THE BEGNING TO AN END

I am a skinny girl trapped in a big girl’s body. Well, maybe not skinny but definitely smaller than I am at this moment. I am the biggest I have ever been in my life. I have been a big girl all my life and have tried every diet known to man. I have been on WW probably 3 times or more, I have tried Atkins, South Beach, I even been on Phen-Fen. Phen-Fen worked. I lost 80 lbs and gained it all back and then some. But, I was in my early 20’s, partying hard and not really trying to change what I ate. I ate what I wanted just not as much. Portion control. What is that?

I love food, I am not gonna lie. I love the way food feels in my mouth, I love the smell, I love the way it makes me feel when I eat good food. So, maybe I have a food addition. I have no idea; I have never been to counseling. I have been bulimic. I was in the 7th grade. I was a majorette and felt the pressure to be thinner. I was a size 10, far from being overweight. That was also the year that my sperm donor told me that as long as I was fat, I would never be accepted as his daughter. I left his house and have never really spoken to him since. I am now 39. I am sure he would be disgusted now if he saw me. Anyway, at that time, I would get up early, jog about 2 miles, come home eat yogurt, throw up, go to school, not eat lunch, come home, eat yogurt, throw up, eat supper with my family and throw up again. I did this for about 6 months. I got down to an 8 and was still picked on for being fat. I look at pictures of myself from then and think to myself, “Goodness, I was not even plump!”

Today I am embarking on the journey of Take Shape for life. You are eating 5 and 1. All portion controlled. Something I really need. This is supposed to make you want to eat healthy. I am optimistic about this journey. I need this to work. I am afraid that if I don’t loose weight I am going to die. I have a husband I dearly love, a step-daughter that is the light of my life and I want to grow old with them. At the weight that I am at now, I won’t. Surgery is out of the question for me. I know that you can cheat the surgery. I am tired of cheating!So far I have only had breakfast. Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal. Not the best tasting, but I have had worse! I am having 2 shakes today and 2 soups. I will give you the load down on them when I have them.

Wish me luck